This move was easier than one might think.  I never bought into the whole creator god thing.  It was based way to much on belief in the words of men who have proven themselves to be corrupt.  Any book that tells you it has all the answers is always trying to sell you something.  Add that to the Catholic sex scandle and you get the picture.  Selling non reality and faith for profit is one of the most cynical enterprises going that doesn’t have Michael Bay’s name associated with it.  So I bailed.  I pulled a Jim Morrison and stated “You’re all a bunch of fucking slaves” and turned my back on organized religion as a money making relic made for dip shits so they could feel better about not knowing what happens to them after they die.  In my late 20’s I had a series of mind numbingly boring  jobs which all had the same redeeming quality, they let me wear headphones while I worked.  So after listening to every Beatles album a million times and a bunch of Bob Dylan I started getting curious if I could listen to book tapes while I worked.  It took a little practices but eventually I was able to do my job, and listen to whatever books interested me.  I have always been fascinated as to how people relate to each other so I started downloading philosophy classes in podcast form from UCal Berkley.  Those were really great and opened up a bunch of new questions in my mind.  In these classes they kept mentioning Tibetan Buddhists and the reasearch they did into the human mind.  At first I was cynical about this.  What kind of studies could ignorant religious fools do into psychology I mused to myself.  So I read up on these folks and realized that the Buddhists don’t advocate a creator god so many religions  don’t even consider Buddhism a religion, score!  Then I decided to give the Dalai Lama’s book The Universe in a Single Atom: The Convergence of Science and Spirituality a try.  I liked the title and the idea that science and spirituality could possibly coexist.  I was deeply moved by what I heard, especially when the Dalai Lama stated that if science disproves any idea in Buddhism, that idea needs to be abandoned.  It was a spiritual breath of fresh air to say the least.  Here is the head of religious state saying he is willing to work with science to figure out the mystery of existence, instead of saying science is wrong and we are right because a massive being located somewhere in space said so and he only told me.  Believe that or you are literally going to be placed into a fire pit with every other asshole in the world.  I started reading and listening to more Buddhist books and it turns out, their entire religion is based on the reality of your own actions.  In other words, I won’t be falling into the Hitler category if I don’t take Jesus as my personal savior.  I was delighted.  The idea that my happiness was a direct result of my attitude and actions was just what I needed to hear.  As Buddha says we are our own savior or we are our own worst enemy.  Once you take responsibility for your own existence, life feels less chaotic and more like a game under your control.  It could end tomorrow so why not do everything you can today to make it better?  That’s what I believe in, that AND life after love.  But then again, who doesn’t believe in that?

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